Friday, July 16, 2010

The Hell I Do!

Thanks for David Cramner's "Education of a Pulp Writer" site I tried this writing analysis do-hickey and have to call the whole thing bullshit. Why?

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Like hell. I do not write like Stephen King.

I did notice at the bottom, though, that there was some sort of come-on for what looked like a self-publishing racket. Perhaps that's the whole point: get suckers to self-publish because they think they write like Stephen King or whoever.

Why couldn't it say I write like a real, talented writer, who knows all the ins and outs of grammar, description, and how to construct a gripping, imaginative story? Like Stephanie Meyer, for instance. Why oh why?


  1. I entered, "I are pleezed wit what u says about my ritings cause I are always want to be a riter."

    It told me I write like Isaac Asimov.

    Go figure.

  2. Michael,
    Good to see you here.

    Who is Isaac Asimov?

    I kid, of course. I really liked his book "Gone With The Wind".

  3. I would find it funny if it spit out names like Edward Bulwer-Lytton or Harry Stephen Keeler.

  4. I fed in a passage from my novel and it told me that I write like David Foster Wallace, and my wife's latest blog post about Frank Lloyd Wright apparently had her sounding like Stephen King. (Maybe it was the part about Wright's paramour dying in a fire.) Think this is really all just a plot to get us to buy writing help? Funny!

  5. W.K., I think you have found the answer.

    Um... okay, I give up. Who are Edward Bulwer-Lytton and Harry Stephen Keeler and why do I feel like an illiterate retch for not knowing?

  6. Edward Bulwer-Lytton is famous for "It was a dark and stormy night..." and Mr. Keeler would be writing a passage and maybe mention his character was reading a newspaper and then copy the entire article from the paper to fill up space. You really owe it to yourself to look these guys up. Something else.

  7. David,
    Thanks. Will do. Maybe I can use Mr. Keeler's trick for padding my manuscripts to 100,000 words. I always seem to fall short.